


Get Some Fucking Help

by wonxas



Series: new phone who dis [3]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Big Bang (Band), Day6 (Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, K.A.R.D (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Gay Stuff, Gen, I Give The People What They Want, all my group chat fics correlate with each other btw, i had a mini heatstoke so i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-01-17 11:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12364605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonxas/pseuds/wonxas
Summary: minnie:why is kris crying in the bathroom(or what used to be.... God has entered the chat????)





	1. It’s Okay if You’re Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **minnie:** help me
> 
> **minnie:** this is jongdae
> 
> **minnie:** minseoks eating a pepper by itself 
> 
> **glasses-chan:** n i c e
> 
> **minnie:** smh jongdae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m a slave for the readers sorry

**the added the official pimp, cooking daddy, minnie, joseph, believe, soos, and big success to chocolate syrup**

**the:** heyyyy it’s jackson

 **minnie:** i thought that was marks account

**the:** it is but he didn’t need to know

**the:** bye !!

**cooking daddy:** oh my god

_[ **god** has entered the chat]_

**god:** i have a feeling i’m going to be here a lot

_[ **god** has left the chat]_

**the:** what did jackson do this time

 **the official pimp:** why is your name the

**the:** it’s a long story

**believe:** it was all vernon

**big success:** that kid smh

**big success:** im seungcheol svt leaders btw

**believe:** im jae from day6

_[ **minnie** changed **believe** ’s name to **glasses-chan** ]_

**minnie:** exos one and only minseok

 **cooking daddy:** sockjin

**minnie:** n i c e

_[ **the** changed their name to **gangster** ]_

**gangster:** mark

 **soos:** jiwoo from blackpink

**the official pimp:** seunghyun from bigbang

**jospeh:** what a legend

**joseph:** taehyung from kard or as bm says “karf”

**glasses-chan:** that will never die

**minnie:** help me

**minnie:** this is jongdae

**minnie:** minseoks eating a pepper by itself 

**glasses-chan:** n i c e

**minnie:** smh jongdae

**the official pimp:** gay

**joseph:** gay

**soos:** gay

**cooking daddy:** gay

**glasses-chan:** gay

**big success:** gay

**gangster:** gay

**minnie:** yes gay

**soos:** Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book  
'Broadway Musicals of the 1940s'  
No roommate to bother me  
How could it get any better than this?

Oh, "Hi Rod", "Hi Nicky", hey Rod  
You'll never guess what happened to me  
On the subway this morning  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

That's very interesting  
He was being real friendly  
And I think he was coming on to me  
I think he might've thought I was gay

So, wa, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care? I don't care  
What did you have for lunch today?

Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod  
I'm not getting defensive  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about  
Well, I don't want to talk about it Nicky!  
This conversation is over! Yeah, but Rod, Over!

Well, okay, but just so you know?  
If you were gay, that'd be okay I mean 'cause, hey  
I'd like you anyway

Because you see if it were me  
I would feel free to say that I was gay  
But I'm not gay, Nicky please, I am trying to read  
What?

If you were queer, ah Nicky, I'd still be here  
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book, year after year  
Nicky, because you're dear to me, aah

And I know that you, what? Would accept me too  
I would? If I told you today, 'hey, guess what, I'm gay!'  
But I'm not gay

I'm happy just being with you, high button shoes, Pal Joey  
So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?  
Nicky, that is gross, no it's not

If you were gay, I'd shout hooray I am not listening  
And here I'd stay, la la la la la  
But I wouldn't get in your way, aah

You can count on me to always be beside you every day  
To tell you it's okay, you were just born that way  
And, as they say it's in your D.N.A, you're gay  
I'm not gay, if you were gay, aah

**minnie:** thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> karf will never die


	2. God Can’t Even Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **minnie:** i had to get therapy because of kris
> 
>  **minnie:** he was supposed to be my father smh
> 
>  **joseph:** smh 
> 
> **joseph:** even tho i’m high af im sorry bro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell that i just add song lyrics to add more words
> 
> hopefully i won’t get jailed up for copyright
> 
> also this (God has Enter the Chat) will update on monday’s, Say Aye if You Agree will update on wednesday’s, Cut For Length will update on thursday’s, and Gay Intensifies will update on the weekend
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{chocolate syrup}  
[11:45]_

**joseph:** is this s or c silent in scent

 **minnie:** w h a t

 **minnie:** t h e

 **minnie:** h e l l

 **minnie:** are you high or what???

 **minnie:** of course you wouldn’t answer (-_-)ゞ゛

_[12:31]_

**joseph:** who closes the bus doors after the bus driver leaves the bus

 **minnie:** i hate you

 **minnie:** this isn’t okay

_[1:46]_

**joseph:** if you get out of the shower clean how does your towel get dirty

 **minnie:** hell if i know tae

 **joseph:** if you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty

_[2:19]_

**joseph:** why is it called a building if it’s already built

 **minnie:** smh

 **joseph:** if a bunch of cats jump on top of each other is that still a dog pile

 **minnie:** why do i even try

_[3:53]_

**joseph:** if we lie in bed are we still telling the truth

 **minnie:** if kris really loved exo why’d he leave 

**joseph:** holy fucking shit

 **joseph:** not even god could answer that

_[ **god** has entered the chat]_

**god:** there’s just some stuff i can’t answer

 **god:** like that 

**god:** what was kris even thinking

 **god:** thanks minseok

 **minnie:** thanks god

 **joseph:** have fun in heaven

_[ **god** has left the chat]_

**joseph:** some things just can’t be answered

 **minnie:** A tornado flew around my room before you came Excuse the mess it made, it usually doesn't rain in Southern California, much like Arizona My eyes don't shed tears, but, boy, they bawl When I'm thinkin' 'bout you (Ooh, no, no, no) I've been thinkin' 'bout you (You know, know, know) I've been thinkin' 'bout you Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya? Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead) 'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (Ooh, ooh) Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead) 'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (ooh, ooh) No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cool enough to kick it Got a beach house I could sell you in Idaho Since you think I don't love you, I just thought you were cute That's why I kiss you Got a fighter jet, I don't get fly it, though I'm lyin' down thinkin' 'bout you (Ooh, no, no, no) I've been thinkin' 'bout you (You know, know, know) I've been thinkin' 'bout you Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya? Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead) 'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (Ooh, ooh) Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead) 'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (Ooh, ooh) Yes, of course I remember, how could I forget? How you feel? And though you were my first time A new feel It won't ever get old, not in my soul Not in my spirit, keep it alive We'll go down this road 'Til it turns from color to black and white Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead) 'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (ooh, ooh) Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead) 'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (ooh, ooh)

 **joseph:** Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit lonely And you're never coming round Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to the sound of my tears Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit nervous That the best of all the years have gone by Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified And then I see the look in your eyes Turnaround bright eyes, but every now and then I fall apart Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever And if you only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever And we'll only be making it right 'Cause we'll never be wrong together We can take it to the end of the line Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time) I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Once upon a time I was falling in love But now I'm only falling apart And there's nothing I can do A total eclipse of the heart Once upon a time there was light in my life But now there's only love in the dark Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart And I need you now tonight (and I need you now) And I need you more than ever And if you only hold me tight (and if you only) We'll be holding on forever And we'll only be making it right ('cause we'll never be wrong) 'Cause we'll never be wrong together We can take it to the end of the line Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time) I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Once upon a time I was falling in love But now I'm only falling apart And there's nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart A total eclipse of the heart A total eclipse of the heart Turn around bright eyes 

**minnie:** i had to get therapy because of kris

 **minnie:** he was supposed to be my father smh

 **joseph:** smh 

**joseph:** even tho i’m high af im sorry bro

 **minnie:** just make sure somin gets you and bm home

 **joseph:** how’d you know

 **minnie:** somins the only responsible one and bm wouldn’t hit a blunt without you

 **joseph:** compelling points

 **joseph:** but bm wouldn’t do anything without me so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **minnie:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that took a turn


	3. Kris Reads What...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _[ **god** has entered the chat]_  
> 
> 
> **god:** wtf
> 
> **god:** im staying for this shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fanfic i references was Afterlight by AbsoluteZXING and oh my god i just had to write about this because holy fuck i don’t care if you don’t like exo read this fucking masterpiece it’s beautiful and i loved it so much
> 
> you can read Afterlight here
> 
> (sorry if it doesn’t link,,,, i think somethings wrong ngl)
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{chocolate syrup}  
[9:13]_

_[ **minnie** added **the godfather** to **chocolate syrup** ]_

**the godfather:** why am i here

 **the official pimp:** yeah why

**minnie:** im asking him something and i needed emotional support

**minnie:** junmyeon

**minnie:** why is kris crying in the bathroom

**cooking daddy:** oh god

_[ **god** has entered the chat]_

**god:** wtf

 **god:** im staying for this shit

**the godfather:** umm idk ???

**the godfather:** i’ll ask hold up 

**gangster:** im surprised the stone cold kris is crying

**gangster:** in the bathroom nonetheless

**the godfather:** he said he was

**the godfather:** reading fanfiction

**glasses-chan:** holy shit

**soos:** i can’t

**the godfather:** “it was really sad babe!! you have to believe me… i won’t spoil it but… i just… kyungsoo and jongin deserve the world. they deserve each other…”

**the godfather:** i gotta go goddamn it

_[ **the godfather** has left the chat]_

**joseph:** holy fucking shit

 **big success:** oh yeah i’ve seen that

**big success:** it’s pretty fucking sad

**big success:** well written too 

**glasses-chan:** i can’t believe kris reads exo fanfiction

**joseph:** same oh my god

**god:** that was some crazy shit

**god:** kris is the only person i don’t understand and i understand e v e r y o n e

_[ **god** has left the chat]_

**cooking daddy:** he needs somebody

 **soos:** Hello there, is anyone there?  
Where is  
Is there anyone to answer me?  
Is anyone there?  
You’re disappearing, more and more, without a sound  
From me, without any reason  
Was everything a misunderstanding?  
Were we looking at each other in a dream?

Why am I alone?  
Among all the people surrounding me  
Why am I alone?  
I’m all alone, I need someone  
I need someone right now

Hello, is anyone there?  
Anyone who can accept me?  
Is anyone here?

Come to me, without a sound  
Hold me, without a reason

Why am I alone?  
Among all the people surrounding me  
Why am I alone?  
I’m all alone, I need someone  
I need someone right now

As I am keeping my silence  
I’ve let everyone go  
A siren rings in my head  
I really don’t think this is right

As I am keeping my silence  
I’ve let everyone go  
Oh now I got to do something

Why am I alone?  
Among all the people surrounding me  
Why am I alone?  
I’m all alone, I need someone  
I need someone right now

I need someone right now

**glasses-chan:** thanks but i’m offended you don’t know that bye heart

**the official pimp:** stan day6 stan talent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sad i can’t go to the day6 concerts


	4. shameless self promo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **soos:** what. are you high again
> 
> **the official pimp:** it’s a good idea y’all should appreciate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm shameless self promo because i bought it was a good idea and it is a good idea because i thought of it also shoutout to the love of my life you probs won’t read this but ya old now happy birthday
> 
> tomorrow’s gonna get spoopy be ready
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{chocolate syrup}  
[19:46]_

**the official pimp:** what if there was a universe in which every idol in a major chat was killed and the killer was a fellow/passed idol? someone popular would probably die first tbh

 **soos:** what. are you high again

**the official pimp:** it’s a good idea y’all should appreciate

**soos:** go read Puppet Strings by tenebrosity i’m ao3 then 

**soos:** smh

**the official pimp:** shameless self promo 

**the official pimp:** we all know you’re tenebrosity

**kermit:** lol i wish  
**this message was unsent. would you like to try again? yes _no_**

**soos:** i wish

**the official pimp:** i love respecting women

**soos:** damn me too

**soos:** all women are queens

**the official pimp:** aye

**the official pimp** : Maybe I annoy you with my choices  
Well, you annoy me sometimes too with your voice  
But that ain't enough for me  
To move out and move on  
I'm just gonna love you like the woman I love  
We don't have to hurry  
You can take as long as you want  
I'm holdin' steady  
My heart's at home  
With my hand behind you  
I will catch you if you fall  
I'm just gonna love you like the woman I love  
Sometimes the world can make you feel  
You're not welcome anymore  
And you beat yourself up  
You let yourself get mad  
And in those times when you stop lovin'  
That woman I adore  
You could relax  
Because, babe, I got your back  
I got you  
No, I don't wish to change you  
You got it under control  
You wake up each day different  
Another reason for me to keep holdin' on  
I'm not attached to any way you're showing up  
I'm just gonna love you like the woman I love  
Yeah I'm gonna love you, oh yeah  
I'm gonna love you  
You're the woman I love

**the official pimp:** for my no.1 women

**soos:** thank you

**soos:** no.1 man

**the official pimp:** this is too straight for me

**soos:** i agree

**soos:** god make it gay

_[ **god** entered the chat]_

**god:** and all was gay again

 **soos:** thank you

**god:** np

_[ **god** left the chat]_

**the official pimp:** what god says is law

 **soos:** ‘tis

**soos:** Look, I was gonna go easy on you and not to hurt your feelings  
But I'm only going to get this one chance  
Something's wrong, I can feel it (Six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)  
Just a feeling I've got, like something's about to happen, but I don't know what  
If that means, what I think it means, we're in trouble, big trouble,  
And if he is as bananas as you say, I'm not taking any chances  
You were just what the doctor ordered

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God  
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod  
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slap box, slap box?  
They said I rap like a robot, so call me Rapbot

But for me to rap like a computer must be in my genes  
I got a laptop in my back pocket  
My pen'll go off when I half-cock it  
Got a fat knot from that rap profit  
Made a living and a killing off it  
Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office  
With Monica Lewinsky feeling on his nut-sack  
I'm an MC still as honest  
But as rude and indecent as all hell syllables, killaholic (Kill 'em all with)  
This slickety, gibbedy, hibbedy hip hop  
You don't really wanna get into a pissing match with this rappidy rap  
Packing a Mac in the back of the Ac, pack backpack rap, yep, yackidy-yac  
The exact same time I attempt these lyrical acrobat stunts while I'm practicing  
That I'll still be able to break a motherfuckin' table  
Over the back of a couple of faggots and crack it in half  
Only realized it was ironic I was signed to Aftermath after the fact  
How could I not blow? All I do is drop F-bombs, feel my wrath of attack  
Rappers are having a rough time period, here's a Maxipad  
It's actually disastrously bad  
For the wack while I'm masterfully constructing this masterpiece as

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God  
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod  
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slap box, slap box?  
Let me show you maintaining this shit ain't that hard, that hard

Everybody want the key and the secret to rap immortality like I have got  
Well, to be truthful the blueprint's simply rage and youthful exuberance  
Everybody loves to root for a nuisance  
Hit the earth like an asteroid, did nothing but shoot for the moon since  
MC's get taken to school with this music  
Cause I use it as a vehicle to bust a rhyme  
Now I lead a new school full of students  
Me? I'm a product of Rakim, Lakim Shabazz, 2Pac N-  
-W.A, Cube, hey, Doc, Ren, Yella, Eazy, thank you, they got Slim  
Inspired enough to one day grow up, blow up and be in a position  
To meet Run DMC and induct them into the motherfuckin' Rock n'  
Roll Hall of Fame  
Even though I walk in the church and burst in a ball of flames  
Only Hall of Fame I be inducted in is the alcohol of fame  
On the wall of shame  
You fags think it's all a game 'til I walk a flock of flames  
Off of planking, tell me what in the fuck are you thinking?  
Little gay looking boy  
So gay I can barely say it with a straight face looking boy  
You witnessing a massacre  
Like you watching a church gathering take place looking boy  
Oy vey, that boy's gay, that's all they say looking boy  
You get a thumbs up, pat on the back  
And a way to go from your label everyday looking boy  
Hey, looking boy, what you say looking boy?  
I got a "hell yeah" from Dre looking boy  
I'mma work for everything I have  
Never ask nobody for shit, get outta my face looking boy  
Basically boy you're never gonna be capable  
To keep up with the same pace looking boy

'Cause I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God  
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod  
The way I'm racing around the track, call me Nascar, Nascar  
Dale Earnhardt of the trailer park, the White Trash God  
Kneel before General Zod this planet's Krypton, no Asgard, Asgard

So you be Thor and I'll be Odin, you rodent, I'm omnipotent  
Let off then I'm reloading immediately with these bombs I'm totin'  
And I should not be woken  
I'm the walking dead, but I'm just a talking head, a zombie floating  
But I got your mom deep throating  
I'm out my ramen noodle, we have nothing in common, poodle  
I'm a doberman, pinch yourself in the arm and pay homage, pupil  
It's me, my honesty's brutal  
But it's honestly futile if I don't utilize what I do though  
For good at least once in a while  
So I wanna make sure somewhere in this chicken scratch I scribble and doodle  
Enough rhymes to maybe to try and help get some people through tough times  
But I gotta keep a few punchlines just in case cause even you unsigned  
Rappers are hungry looking at me like it's lunchtime  
I know there was a time where once I  
Was king of the underground, but I still rap like I'm on my Pharoahe Monch grind  
So I crunch rhymes, but sometimes when you combine  
Appeal with the skin color of mine  
You get too big and here they come trying to,  
Censor you like that one line I said on "I'm Back" from the Marshall Mathers LP  
One where I tried to say I take seven kids from Columbine  
Put 'em all in a line, add an AK-47, a revolver and a nine  
See if I get away with it now that I ain't as big as I was, but I've  
Morphed into an immortal coming through the portal  
You're stuck in a time warp from 2004 though  
And I don't know what the fuck that you rhyme for  
You're pointless as Rapunzel with fucking cornrows  
You're like normal, fuck being normal  
And I just bought a new Raygun from the future  
To just come and shoot ya like when Fabolous made Ray J mad  
'Cause Fab said he looked like a fag at Maywhether's pad  
Singin' to a man while they played piano  
Man, oh man, that was a 24/7 special on the cable channel  
So Ray J went straight to the radio station the very next day  
"Hey, Fab, I'mma kill you"  
Lyrics coming at you at supersonic speed, (JJ Fad)  
Uh, sama lamaa duma lamaa you assuming I'm a human  
What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman  
Innovative and I'm made of rubber  
So that anything you saying ricocheting off of me and it'll glue to you  
I'm never stating, more than never demonstrating  
How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating  
Never fading, and I know that the haters are forever waiting  
For the day that they can say I fell off, they'd be celebrating  
Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated  
I make elevating music, you make elevator music  
Oh, he's too mainstream  
Well, that's what they do when they get jealous, they confuse it  
It's not hip hop, it's pop, cause I found a hella way to fuse it  
With rock, shock rap with Doc  
Throw on Lose Yourself and make 'em lose it  
I don't know how to make songs like that  
I don't know what words to use  
Let me know when it occurs to you  
While I'm ripping any one of these verses diverse as you  
It's curtains, I'm inadvertently hurtin' you  
How many verses I gotta murder to,  
Prove that if you're half as nice at songs you can sacrifice virgins too uh!  
School flunkie, pill junky  
But look at the accolades the skills brung me  
Full of myself, but still hungry  
I bully myself cause I make me do what I put my mind to  
And I'm a million leagues above you, ill when I speak in tongues  
But it's still tongue in cheek, fuck you  
I'm drunk so Satan take the fucking wheel, I'm asleep in the front seat  
Bumping Heavy D and the Boys, still chunky, but funky  
But in my head there's something I can feel tugging and struggling  
Angels fight with devils, here's what they want from me  
They asking me to eliminate some of the women hate  
But if you take into consideration the bitter hatred that I had  
Then you may be a little patient and more sympathetic to the situation  
And understand the discrimination  
But fuck it, life's handing you lemons, make lemonade then  
But if I can't batter the women how the fuck am I supposed to bake them a cake then?  
Don't mistake it for Satan  
It's a fatal mistake if you think I need to be overseas  
And take a vacation to trip a broad  
And make her fall on her face and don't be a retard  
Be a king? Think not, why be a king when you can be a God?

**the official pimp:** the real rap god of yg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who says i can’t write a shitty chapter for no reason


	5. in less than 500 words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **minnie:** many things to say not enough time! today on in less than 500 words…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just all about my life you’re welcome lovelies also thanks for then critisim on the video!!

_{chocolate syrup}  
[18:05]_

**minnie:** many things to say not enough time! today on in less than 500 words…

 **joseph:** day6 has swept the world once again with their new song “All Alone” it’s amazing you should go check it out!

 **joseph:** also the rose oh my god it’s amazing “Like We Used To” check it out!!! it’s amazing!!! everyone loves it!!! here’s what god has to say

**joseph pulled out a receipt!**  
_god: im staying for this shit_

**glasses-chan:** a very avid my day was almost brought to tears because of All Alone

 **glasses-chan:** a my day almost sobbed in their room bc they remembered their favorite hoodie they stole, they even tweeted it at me!

 **glasses-chan:** but don’t worry avid readers! they found it and are very happy! 

**soos:** currently, that same my day is buying a… papaya tree… for their bffs birthday…?

 **the official pimp:** weird 

**cooking daddy:** and today’s song is… all i want for christmas is you by mariah carey! 

**big success:** I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you, yeah.

I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
And I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need to hang my stocking  
There upon the fireplace  
Santa Claus won't make me happy  
With a toy on Christmas Day

I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you  
You, baby

Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas  
I won't even wish for snow  
And I'm just gonna keep on waiting  
Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it  
To the North Pole for Saint Nick  
I won't even stay awake to  
Hear those magic reindeer click

'Cause I just want you here tonight  
Holding on to me so tight  
What more can I do?  
Baby, all I want for Christmas is you  
You, baby

Oh, all the lights are shining so brightly everywhere  
And the sound of children's laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing  
I hear those sleigh bells ringing  
Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need?  
Won't you please bring my baby to me?

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas  
This is all I'm asking for  
I just wanna see my baby  
Standing right outside my door

Oh, I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Baby, all I want for Christmas is you  
You, baby

All I want for Christmas is you, baby _[repeat with ad-libs until fade]_

 **gangster:** but!! it has rumored that god,,, might be obama???!!! stay tuned and we’ll check you next time,,,, on in less than 500 words!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i do this


	6. coming out 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **gangster:** okay then
> 
> **gangster:** you should just go for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im scared guys i really am
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{chocolate syrup}  
[17:04]_

**glasses-chan:** how to come out to your family as gay

_[ **gangster** changed **glasses-chan** ’s name to **gay** ]_

**gay:** not going to help

 **gangster:** okay well then vent to me

**gay:** well im scared that they wont accept me but why would they have gay friends then??? every time i try to tell them something important i get shot down and i dont want them to know about brian bc they might get hostile but will they believe me if i tell them im gay???

**gangster:** okay then

**gangster:** i know your stressed so im going to say something to calm you down first

**gangster:** okay then

**gangster:** Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book  
'Broadway Musicals of the 1940s'  
No roommate to bother me  
How could it get any better than this?

Oh, "Hi Rod", "Hi Nicky", hey Rod  
You'll never guess what happened to me  
On the subway this morning  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

That's very interesting  
He was being real friendly  
And I think he was coming on to me  
I think he might've thought I was gay

So, wa, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care? I don't care  
What did you have for lunch today?

Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod  
I'm not getting defensive  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about  
Well, I don't want to talk about it Nicky!  
This conversation is over! Yeah, but Rod, Over!

Well, okay, but just so you know?  
If you were gay, that'd be okay I mean 'cause, hey  
I'd like you anyway

Because you see if it were me  
I would feel free to say that I was gay  
But I'm not gay, Nicky please, I am trying to read  
What?

If you were queer, ah Nicky, I'd still be here  
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book, year after year  
Nicky, because you're dear to me, aah

And I know that you, what? Would accept me too  
I would? If I told you today, 'hey, guess what, I'm gay!'  
But I'm not gay

I'm happy just being with you, high button shoes, Pal Joey  
So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?  
Nicky, that is gross, no it's not

If you were gay, I'd shout hooray I am not listening  
And here I'd stay, la la la la la  
But I wouldn't get in your way, aah

You can count on me to always be beside you every day  
To tell you it's okay, you were just born that way  
And, as they say it's in your D.N.A, you're gay  
I'm not gay, if you were gay, aah

**gay:** oh thanks that helped alot 

**gangster:** Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book  
'Broadway Musicals of the 1940s'  
No roommate to bother me  
How could it get any better than this?

Oh, "Hi Rod", "Hi Nicky", hey Rod  
You'll never guess what happened to me  
On the subway this morning  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

That's very interesting  
He was being real friendly  
And I think he was coming on to me  
I think he might've thought I was gay

So, wa, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care? I don't care  
What did you have for lunch today?

Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod  
I'm not getting defensive  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about  
Well, I don't want to talk about it Nicky!  
This conversation is over! Yeah, but Rod, Over!

Well, okay, but just so you know?  
If you were gay, that'd be okay I mean 'cause, hey  
I'd like you anyway

Because you see if it were me  
I would feel free to say that I was gay  
But I'm not gay, Nicky please, I am trying to read  
What?

If you were queer, ah Nicky, I'd still be here  
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book, year after year  
Nicky, because you're dear to me, aah

And I know that you, what? Would accept me too  
I would? If I told you today, 'hey, guess what, I'm gay!'  
But I'm not gay

I'm happy just being with you, high button shoes, Pal Joey  
So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?  
Nicky, that is gross, no it's not

If you were gay, I'd shout hooray I am not listening  
And here I'd stay, la la la la la  
But I wouldn't get in your way, aah

You can count on me to always be beside you every day  
To tell you it's okay, you were just born that way  
And, as they say it's in your D.N.A, you're gay  
I'm not gay, if you were gay, aah

**gangster:** you need to learn that it’s okay to be gay jae

**gangster:** its perfectly fine

**gay:** i know its fine

**gangster:** Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book  
'Broadway Musicals of the 1940s'  
No roommate to bother me  
How could it get any better than this?

Oh, "Hi Rod", "Hi Nicky", hey Rod  
You'll never guess what happened to me  
On the subway this morning  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

That's very interesting  
He was being real friendly  
And I think he was coming on to me  
I think he might've thought I was gay

So, wa, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care? I don't care  
What did you have for lunch today?

Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod  
I'm not getting defensive  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about  
Well, I don't want to talk about it Nicky!  
This conversation is over! Yeah, but Rod, Over!

Well, okay, but just so you know?  
If you were gay, that'd be okay I mean 'cause, hey  
I'd like you anyway

Because you see if it were me  
I would feel free to say that I was gay  
But I'm not gay, Nicky please, I am trying to read  
What?

If you were queer, ah Nicky, I'd still be here  
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book, year after year  
Nicky, because you're dear to me, aah

And I know that you, what? Would accept me too  
I would? If I told you today, 'hey, guess what, I'm gay!'  
But I'm not gay

I'm happy just being with you, high button shoes, Pal Joey  
So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?  
Nicky, that is gross, no it's not

If you were gay, I'd shout hooray I am not listening  
And here I'd stay, la la la la la  
But I wouldn't get in your way, aah

You can count on me to always be beside you every day  
To tell you it's okay, you were just born that way  
And, as they say it's in your D.N.A, you're gay  
I'm not gay, if you were gay, aah

**gangster:** really

**gay:** yes i do!

**gangster:** okay then

**gangster:** you should just go for it 

**gangster:** its going to be very hard to “punish” you but if you feel uncomfortable, you can go to my parents house

**gay:** thanks mark

**gangster:** anything jae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see,,, i’ve been thinking about this alot,,,, also heyyyy angela


	7. crying in the club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **minnie:** EXO 사랑하자

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i posted this by itself and nobody read it but i really liked it so here it is after some tweaking!!!
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{chocolate syrup}  
[18:52]_

**minnie:** _duodenary, novenary_

i was the oldest  
out of my brothers  
and i was happy  
to watch over them.

i was their center  
of wit.  
i kept them going  
to earn their name.

i was their bridge  
even if i was  
being weared down  
by my existence.

i was nurturing them  
in times of happiness  
and in times  
of need.

i was the sunshine  
bringing happiness  
to everyone’s day.  
i was the favorite.

i was a three musketeer  
causing trouble  
wherever my feet  
took me.

i was a third  
of a whole  
a cheshire grin  
following trouble.

i was a part  
in a trilogy,  
my feet  
guiding the way.

i was the voice  
that scolded.  
sturdy  
but encouraging.

i was the face  
of my brothers.  
i spoke out  
for the minority

i was the bear,  
clinging to  
my honey  
and quietly resting

i was the baby  
of my brothers.  
i kept the vulgarness  
inside them.

we were one.  
we were a family.  
but then  
were weren’t.  


i am still  
the oldest.  
i watch over them,  
now out of fear.

i am still  
the center of sass  
but not with them.  
we don’t speak.

i am still  
a bridge,  
just the reminisce  
of the one they knew.

i am still  
nurturing them,  
keeping them whole  
in times of need.

i am still  
the sunshine  
even if  
i am not with them.

i am still  
a trouble maker  
just not  
with amity.

i am still  
the chesire cat  
even without  
my trouble.

i am still  
their trilogy  
even if  
my legs gave out.

i am still  
their encouragement  
in the darkness  
of reality.

i am still  
a face,  
just not the face  
of them.

i am still  
the bear  
but instead i cling  
to my hope for them.

i am still  
the baby  
but more mature,  
levelheaded.

we are still one  
even if we were  
broken into pieces.  
let’s love.

111917

**minnie:** EXO 사랑하자

_[20:00]_

**minnie:** what the hell jongdae im fucking crying 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it goes jongdae, jongdae, minseok


	8. skrt skrt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **joseph:** S A Y S W H O
> 
>  **gangster:** ME BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been reading way too many chat fics
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{chocolate syrup}  
[00:35]_

**joseph:** i think my calling is to be the next jesus

 **joseph:** any religious figure really

 **gay:** oh really

 **joseph:** yeah thats what god told me

 **soos:** i dont think that’s how religion works

 **joseph:** said who

 **the official pimp:** literally every historian e v e r y

 **joseph:** history is just a bunch of inferences so i dont care1!!1!1!

 **cooking daddy:** this bitch

 **jospeh:** Y O U ‘ R E J U S T J E A L O U S

 **cooking daddy:** i aint jealous of your stank ass life bitch

 **joseph:** hOW fUcking DArE yOu talK tO jEuSu tHta WAy

 **soos:** you aint jesus

 **joseph:** S A Y S W H O

 **gangster:** ME BITCH

 **joseph:** oh fuck off normie

 **big success:** what the hell is going on

 **joseph:** i’m going to be the next jesus

 **big success:** oh well thats great CAN IBGO HACK TO SLEEP NOW JFC M

 **minnie:** sure, daddy

 **joseph:** OH SHJT TJE HELL UP

 **gay:** if he’s anybody’s daddy he’s mine bc im closer to jesus than everyone here and jesus is everyone’s son

 **joseph:** i aint anyones son

 **joseph:** BITCH

 **gangster:** SKRT FHCKING SKRT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skrt skrt


	9. i want to love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **gangster**  
>  this chat is a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayayayayooooo bitches!!!! i had to sit through something about regestration for smth important bu tthat was borin tlike no i dont want to do that smh
> 
> un-beta’ed

**chocolate syrup  
[15:16]**

**minnie**  
i suck dick for free

 **joseph**  
jongdae aint gonna like that

 **minnie**  
hell if i care

 **minnie**  
im broke as shit

 **the official pimp**  
and im GONNA FUCKUNG CY OF DMANIT IT

 **cooking daddy**  
????

 **soos**  
day6’s last everyday6

 **the official pimp**  
THEY SWRSBEE JR WORLD

 **gay**  
uhhhhh thanks????

 **the official pimp**  
O LIVE OY ALL

 **sm hater**  
is water wet

 **cooking daddy**  
hell no

 **big success**  
yeah of course

 **big success**  
why wouldnt’t it be its water

 **gangster**  
THE HELL

 **gangster**  
WATER CAN OBLY MAKE THINGS WET

 **big success**  
yeah it makes WATER wet

 **cooking daddy**  
SOLID OBJECTS BITCH

 **big success**  
THAT MAKES NO FUCKUNG SENSE 

**cooking daddy**  
YOUR ARGUEMENT MAKES NOBSENSE

 **gangster**  
this chat is a mess

 **sm hater**  
i just asked a simple questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my dogs are play fighting again


	10. i’d like to think if i put more effort, time, and thought into this i’d have more readers but i don’t care lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **gay**  
>  no one answered my question
> 
>  **gay**  
>  :c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but seriously???? do you think if i made the chapters longer (like 600-900 words) you’d like it better ? please tell me because i have to self motivation
> 
> also yeah i have a test in seven hours but it’s gonna be easy bc i’m smart and educated (andialsomightbelaunchingsmthnewwaitforit)
> 
> un-beta’ed

**chocolate syrup  
[00:51]**

**gay**  
i wonder if we’re ever going to have a convo more than 300 words

 **soos**  
i wonder when you’re going to SHUT THE HELL UP

 **soos**  
i cant sleep and i have a BIG FUCKING MATH TEST IN SVEEN HOURS

 **gay**  
why are you texgung here then

 **soos**  
YOUNASSHOLE

 **soos**  
BUDN JM H E L LL

**[sm hater changed soos’s name to devil’s child]**

**devil’s child**  
YOH MOTHERFUCKER

**[devil’s child changed sm hater name to number one whore]**

**devil’s child**  
YOH LEFT WXO JUST BECAUSE YLU ALREADY FUCKED EVETYOMR AT SM

 **number one whore**  
she isnt lying

 **devil’s child**  
WHY THE FUCK DO I SUR NEXT TO THE WORDT GURL IN CLASS

 **devil’s child**  
SFON CHEATING OFF ME 

**the official pimp**  
ha college

**[devil’s child changed the official pimp’s name to eldest boy]**

**eldest boy**  
i deserved that

 **devil’s child**  
hell YES YOH DID

 **devil’s child**  
anyone slse want to SAY something to me?

 **big success**  
no

**[devil’s child changed big success’ name to one inch dick]**

**one inch dick**  
i didn’t even do angtbjng 

**minnie**  
honey?

 **minnie**  
do you need anything? ice cream? new blankets? a study partner?

 **devil’s child**  
maybe…..

 **minnie**  
me, jongin, and yixing will be over

 **devil’s child**  
<333

 **cooking daddy**  
what the FUCK

 **cooking daddy**  
WE HAVE A FUCKICMG TEST 

**cooking daddy**  
FUCK OCFFFF

 **joseph**  
ooooooooohhhhhhhhh shit

 **gay**  
no one answered my question

 **gay**  
:c

 **joseph**  
i dont think so jae, i dont think so

 **gay**  
:cbxcbxcbxcbx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the answer is yes, with 307 words lol


	11. December 18, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you will be missed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i just wanted to stay that jonghyun will live in our hearts and it won’t be easy letting him go, but it’s for the best. i know this isn’t the best time to update but i just wanted to share with everyone what i feel about this. jonghyun died because of depression, not suicide, but we shouldn’t remember him for that. we should remember him as shinee’s lead singer, activist, actor, friend, family member, and many more. it doesn’t matter if your just a fan and have never meet him, just know that you have touched his heart. and it’s okay to cry over him when you haven’t over an old family member. you expect their death and that’s okay. jonghyun’s death was unexpected and sad to hear. if you need to talk to anyone, you can always talk to me. thank you, kim jonghyun.
> 
> from know on, i’d like to dedicate this series to jonghyun, in hopes that it makes everyone smile. also, this series will continue on as normal because we all move on. we will miss him but its for all of ours wellbeing.
> 
> also, congradulations to taeyang engagement with his girlfriend. i hope they have the best of marriages. 
> 
> un-beta’ed

**chocolate ayrup  
[17:18]**

**minnie**  
_missing you_

suicide doesn’t kill people  
because it’s the act of killing yourself.  
depression kills people.

rest in peace kim jonghyun,  
may your spirit be fulfilled. 

121817

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rest in piece jonghyun and everyone, take a moment of silence and if you want to hear what i have to say, read the first note please


	12. siccy thiccy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sick child**  
>  you have no say in anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven’t noticed,,,, i’ve been sick and i still have an ear ache that has to be checked out so,,,,, sorry its short all the wrong people in it really messed me upp,,,,, oops

**chocolate syrup  
[19:52]**

**[one inch changed their name to sick child]**

**sick child**  
i’m sick :((((((

**devil’s child**  
we get it 

**devil’s child**  
but i’m sprry seungcheol :(((((

**sick child**  
its okay im watching a bunch of alien and 80s movies 

**minnie**  
sounds fucking lit

**sick child**  
it is i love them

**gay**  
i hate being sick dont come near me 

**joseph**  
that’s rude

**gay**  
i dont care

**eldest boy**  
uhhhhhhh

**sick child**  
you have no say in anything 

**eldest boy**  
touche

**minnie**  
i feel empty. emptier than normal.

i give it three days to go away.   
three days to figure out my sickness.  
three days to live. 

three. three. three.

three days. three songs. three seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @smilelyysol if you want to now when im updating lmao


End file.
